Meet the Grunt

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Before I introduce you to the most common and critical crew member of our planned new multiplayer online space game, I should make sure that you understand the core concepts of intended gameplay.

There are three main things that will cause everyone to need to constantly travel around the ship, rather than staying in one place.

The first is hunger & diapers. Quite simply, most crew members will need to pop down to the mess hall on regular occasions to refill their tanks... Tanks which of course will soon turn into full bowels. And when those full bowels turn into full pamps, our little baby space rangers will need to waddle on down to the med bay for a change, or risk the wrath of the enforcers, as well as an increased vulnerability to being infected with the DIPS.

The second and third things that keep people moving about, are missions and anomalies.

Missions are things that the captain needs to happen around the ship, in a certain manner, often in a certain order, and specifically, within a certain timeframe. Performing mission-based actions will often earn you points. When a mission is completed successfully, the captain earns a lot of points.

An anomaly is the name I'm giving to everything else in the game where the ship, or a location on the ship, is in an unusual state. A locked door, a trapped hallway and a floating magic incontinence-inducing crystal are all anomalies.

Actions to progress missions will usually be standard SciFi jargon. "Activate the fluximulator in sector 3! It needs one dipambulon orb from storage bay 2 and one blue one from storage bay 1. But remember, they can't be brought near each other while they're both out of storage and unshielded, or they'll react and generate a Blarion Field. And nobody wants that."

Actions to deal with anomalies will often be clearly understandable things like "hack control panel" and "swat space wasp", usually with relatively well-telegraphed chances of success and risks.

Now while some of these mission and anomaly actions may require a special class, most will be generic. And generic is where the grunt shines.

Many of the other classes will have limitations such as having one hand always unavailable that will make it more expensive for them to perform these actions, or have a lowered chance of success.

But not the grunt! Let's have a look at our lovely diapered lady to understand exactly what she's packing... Other than her Pampers.

"Don't look at me like that! The pigtails keep my hair out of my face while I'm working!"

Grunts lack any special equipment, making them the least specialized and most versatile of the crew. If you need someone to carry something heavy, catch a drone that's gone haywire, or yank a fellow crew member out of the transport tube she's stuck inside, then the grunt is your gal.

A grunt should never struggle to find ways to make themselves useful. There's always something weird and wacky going on somewhere, and who better to scout it out than the person who's most likely to be able to handle it immediately?

Or go and find the captain and report for duty. She'll probably have something for you to do, at which point you can get in her good books and earn that promotion to enforcer which gets you one step away from filling her shoes yourself, as soon as she fills her panties.

Being the class who's most capable of swanning around the ship interacting with anomalies also means that you're the most likely to stumble upon some cool unique items, as well as being the most likely to end up living up to your name and grunting as some silly space magic makes you lose control of your sphincter and turn your space suit into a space toilet. So, expect a lot of random rude but oh-so-necessary diaper checks from your crew mates after they walk into the room and spot you. If they catch you soiled, you better pray that you are able to make it to the med bay before they tattle-tale your toilet troubles to the nearest enforcer. Or you could just accuse them of lying, and being the secret stinker themselves.

All's fair in space and diapers, after all. Just don't go making too many enemies. You never know who will be captain next, or find themselves in possession of a pocket excrapinator and a vendetta.

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